Cellophane Flowers Look For The Sky With Diamonds

In this life we yearn for acceptance; in life, in work, in our family and above all else in love. I’ve never wanted to be accepted in any circle of friends, cliques or colleagues except my family and the people who care and love me most. Some say why I futilely strive to be different, some say I’m just different from the others around and some never would give me the time and day (not that I would give a flying saucer about them nor would I piss on them to them out of a fire)

We have the biggest fallouts and the deepest cuts bruises and empty wallets from the damages that occur when I rage stupendously when we argue and fight yet I am more upset with myself for not being able to make you happy or smile or even simply understand my actions. My past has been an endless misdemeanor and you see things in different view from where I stand yet it stems from our mirroring ego-ism of being right and not giving in and cut-through-your-heart spit of remarks that regurgitate situations from bad to worse time and time and time again.

We have the worst relationship you can think about where I hide and learn and display the honesty I have been unable to share in so long yet we still have everything to lose to everyone who knows and nothing to gain except a bleak disappointment for the ones who don’t know. Despite all that we share identical thoughts of cynicism, life, beauty and quirky remarks of people and situations.

I carry with me a box of half opened can of worms as I stand transparent for you. You mean much more to me than the ones from past years and forgotten plans and Hollywood endings. I’ve never much of a fan of Hollywood anyway. As I lie in bed I turn towards your pillow and the scent of your hair and the stands of your wavy hair give me the shivers of longing that you were beside me just hours ago. As I waste days away I am lost in the years of which I see us being together because despite, in spite of it all we still drink sprite and eat cakes to rolling floor little toy 3 year old games that no one would give us the time for.

I see you there making me smile with Eeyore on your head and running across the hall before the 3 count or lying on my back while I do push ups. I see you with the wind in your hair blowing across your face against your light brown skin in a tank top and torn jeans. I see you sitting inside the car asleep when we reach home and I wake you to brush your teeth. I see you and you’ll see me standing there before the end of days.

Through the stars that burn out and the white hair and fallen teeth, through the pain suffering and life we will endure, through each passing moment and awakening beside you as you or I whine I and groan we will smile because it isn’t about till the stars burn out anymore. I’m not 21 anymore; I’m not a fool to let selfishness get in the way of my happiness. It’s about us. It’s about waking up at seven thirty dragging each other out of bed and sharing a thousand dollars to survive the month and laugh like children when the ice cream melts or the cigarette falls off my fingers in the moving care. It’s about everything we have, we share and through your eyes I see me building the castles around us.

I love you.